So Much Energy

They say 2020 is the most difficult year we have had as global citizens since – well – a long time. Corona, the American political climate, massive protests around the world against racism, violence, uprisings, and more.

This week Google experienced global outages and in fact this year, it will be their 3rd massive global outage.

I can’t say I’m surprised. This year feels like it’s cursed from above.

The universe is shaking up the globe on such a deep level.

We all feel it.

We are all influenced by it.

Before the pandemic, I started slowly on the path of intense inner work on my priorities as a marketer, a virtual assistant start-up coach, and also as a wife and mother. I have felt so unbalanced for so long that I knew it was time to start addressing things at the root.

Here’s the thing, I’ve always worked – in fact, I’m incredibly ambitious and never saw myself as a stay-at-home mom type.

I’ve always been the “part-time mom is the best mom” kinda woman. That’s because when I’m with my kids for only a few hours, I am *really* engaged and it’s what some call “quality time”.

However – the pandemic has forced upon me to become a home-schooling, full-on, Betty Crocker mom.

I am NOT a fan of homeschooling. In fact, it’s not for me at all.

I don’t love cooking – it’s more of a necessity than something I enjoy – but since this pandemic, I cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

I love Israeli street food like a good falafel or a hole in the wall hummus joint that sells the best hummus and fried meat and onions ever.

But now all do is cook.

And it’s wearing on me.

The expectations are wearing on me.

We’re all in unprecedented times. Women are leaving the workforce (more like pushed out of the workforce) in record numbers in order to take care of children who can’t go to school because of lockdowns.

The women’s workforce today looks like it did back in 1995. That’s insane.

And sad.

How many of those women left a job they love?

You might think that because I work from home that I should be able to keep doing exactly what I’m doing in my businesses.

I want to tell you the truth.

I’ve had to pull the brakes almost totally on both of my businesses. I simply don’t have the bandwidth to keep up and I’m no different than the nearly 2.2 million women in the USA that were forced to leave the workforce, too.

I have four children, a husband, and a dog. The demands of cooking, cleaning, education for my children, and keeping everyone sain has become my new full-time job.

At the beginning of this pandemic when this reality fell at my doorstep I developed severe anxiety.

Here in Israel, like Italy, we too had a general lockdown for quite some time and it was HARD.

Our new Zoom reality required me to run after every lesson to make sure they were doing what they needed to be doing in order to keep them in a structured environment despite the fact that we couldn’t go further than 20 meters from our home.

I want you to know that I have stumbled and fallen so many times since the start of this pandemic that I can’t even count.

Somehow I rose to the occasion despite my anxiety and kept my household running. I kept my family sane but it took its toll on me.

I know that I’m in a much better place today than I was months ago which is why I am ready to write this email.

I’ve always said that one of the problems we face as women is our tendency to not be openly vulnerable about our personal struggles and fears.

Sure, women are great communicators but that doesn’t mean we are communicating about the right things — the things that matter most.

And for me, right now, that looks like shining a light on my imperfect life so you can see that I’m struggling, too.

I know this is all temporary and one day we will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When we get to that place, I’ll pick myself up and get back to the work I love.

Until then, I’m working when I can and learning to appreciate my gifts of imperfection.

As a woman, tell me, how has this pandemic affected you personally?

Hit comment and let me know.

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